Well the dreamless sleep helped. Somewhat. At least I'm not so tired that I could fall asleep while walking through the corridors. I had the dream again Last night and the nigh before, though.
And maybe that's why I've been so reserved. Kallista and Adira tried to drag me out of the dormitories but I protested saying I neded to sleep and finally they left. I didn't sleep though. I can't. Instead Ijust work on all the homework I have to make up. they've asked me abotu what happened. I haven't told them. Usually then I just go quiet and pretend I am sleeping.I've been able to sneak into the great hall at the end of dinner, or just sneak into the kitchen and grab a bite of food from the house elves. I just don't want to be around people right now.
But at the same time I miss everyone. I woke up Saturday in the hospital wing and noticed James was there before he noticed I was awake. So I pretended I was still asleep until Madame Pomfrey forced him out and made him go eat dinner. As soon as he left I crept into the dormitories. Him being there, waiting for me to wake up, made me smile, and I had half a mind to catch up with him and go eat dinner with everyone in the great hall. Have a little fun and be welcomed back. but the other half won over and I spent the time making up the work. Once everyone is asleep I go down into the common room, it's really the only time I do, and try and finish more work by the light of the fire. And I'm actually almost done. Probably just another day of working hard and it will all be made up.
And last night I snuck down to the common room to do some work and James was there. I think I might have given him the brush off a little. And I feel positively awful about that. I'm just shutting everyone out and I know I'll regret it. Maybe I should send out owls to everyone before I burn too many bridges.I really should have just told him what happened. At least that would have been talking to him. Instead of saying I had loads of work to do. *sighs*
Well you might ask how I kept up with being unsocial on a day of classes. Well, I just don't talk at all during class, hurry to the next one, and work on the mounds of work I have in the dormitories during breaks. I really do miss my friends. Tremendously. But right now... I just can't face them.I just need time to think.
Think about my parents. How they died, because of me. And when I do think about it it makes me want to stay away even more.
And then I think about that if the voldemort fellow had his way, most of my friends would probably be killed by him. Most of the Gryffindors, actually. Emma has a little bit of muggle blood in her, Adira is a half-blood, Kallista is a pureblood but hates the idea of purebloods being superior to all, same with James, Black, Remus, and their Pettigrew friend. So of course then I get angry over that and it ends up being one big moody mess. So I suppose until Kallista and Adira can finally drag me out of the dormitories, or someone else gets me to be more social, or I get myself to be more social, no one will see much of Lily Evans. Except for Rose. she's been staying in the dormitory more than she does with the rest of the owls lately. She really is a wonderful owl.
( Owl to KallistaCollapse )
( Owl to JamesCollapse )
( Owl to EmmaCollapse )